Published on:

3rd Nov 2023

The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Blueprint for Lasting Relationships

Chapter 1 What's The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work

The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work is a book written by John M. Gottman, a renowned psychologist and relationship expert. In this book, Gottman presents seven principles or strategies that he believes are crucial for building and maintaining a successful and happy marriage. These principles are:

1. Enhancing love maps: This principle involves continuously updating and expanding your knowledge about your spouse's inner world, including their fears, dreams, likes, and dislikes. It emphasizes the importance of understanding and connecting with your partner on a deep level.

2. Nurturing fondness and admiration: This principle emphasizes the need to maintain a positive view of your partner, focusing on their positive qualities rather than dwelling on their flaws. Building a culture of appreciation and respect is key to a healthy marriage.

3. Turning toward each other instead of away: Gottman suggests that couples need to actively respond to each other's bids for emotional connection, support, and attention. Small everyday actions, such as listening attentively or offering comfort, can strengthen the bond between partners.

4. Letting your partner influence you: This principle recognizes the significance of open and respectful communication, where both partners feel heard and valued. It involves considering and incorporating your partner's perspective and desires into decision-making processes.

5. Solving solvable problems: Gottman emphasizes the importance of effective problem-solving techniques for resolving conflicts. This principle focuses on finding mutually satisfactory solutions to issues and fostering compromise and collaboration.

6. Overcoming gridlock: This principle acknowledges that some problems in a marriage may be "gridlocked," meaning they may not have a clear solution. Instead of trying to solve these issues, Gottman suggests focusing on understanding and respecting each other's underlying dreams or values related to the problem.

7. Creating shared meaning: This principle involves building a sense of shared purpose, rituals, and values as a couple. It encourages couples to define and pursue their shared goals, dreams, and traditions, which can contribute to a stronger sense of connection and purpose in the relationship.

The book provides valuable insights, practical exercises, and research-backed strategies to help couples develop and maintain a healthy and fulfilling marriage.

Chapter 2 Is The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work A Good Book

The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John M. Gottman is generally regarded as a very good book on the subject of marriage and relationships. Dr. Gottman is a renowned researcher in the field of relationships and his book offers practical advice and strategies for improving and maintaining a healthy marriage. Many readers have found the book to be insightful and helpful in understanding the dynamics of a successful marriage. However, it is always recommended to read reviews and gather different opinions to determine if a particular book is a good fit for your needs and preferences.

Chapter 3 The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work Summary

"The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work" is a book written by renowned relationship expert John M. Gottman. In this book, Gottman presents seven principles that he believes are essential for maintaining a healthy and fulfilling marriage.

1. Enhancing Love Maps: According to Gottman, couples who have a deep understanding of each other's lives and inner worlds tend to have stronger relationships. He emphasizes the importance of continuously updating and expanding this "love map."

2. Nurturing fondness and admiration: Gottman suggests that fostering a sense of appreciation and admiration for one's partner is vital. He provides techniques to rekindle positive sentiment and build a culture of appreciation in a marriage.

3. Turning Toward Instead of Away: This principle encourages couples to respond positively to each other's attempts at connection and communication, rather than ignoring or dismissing them. Gottman explains how these small but significant gestures can create a positive cycle of emotional bonding.

4. Accepting Influence: Gottman highlights the importance of compromise and openness to influence from one's partner. He discusses strategies for sharing power and making decisions effectively in a marriage, without falling into patterns of domination or submission.

5. Solving Solvable Problems: This principle focuses on effective conflict resolution. Gottman teaches couples to identify and address solvable issues in a respectful and constructive manner, emphasizing the importance of compromise and understanding.

6. Overcoming Gridlock: Gottman acknowledges that some issues in a marriage may remain unresolved. He provides guidance on how to navigate these recurring conflicts and reach a place of understanding and acceptance.

7. Creating Shared Meaning: This final principle encourages couples to build a strong sense of shared purpose and meaning in their lives together. Gottman explores how couples can develop rituals, traditions, and shared goals to anchor their relationship in a deeper sense of meaning.

Throughout the book, Gottman supports his principles with research findings, case examples, and practical exercises. He also offers insights into common pitfalls and destructive patterns that can harm marriages, as well as strategies for repairing and strengthening relationships. "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work" is a comprehensive guide for any couple looking to improve their marriage and navigate the ups and downs of married life.

Chapter 4 The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work Author


The author of the book "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work" is John Gottman. He is a renowned psychologist and researcher in the field of marital relationships and is widely regarded as a leading expert on the subject.

The book was initially published in 1999, but it has been revised and updated in subsequent editions. The most recent edition, as of 2021, is the revised and updated fourth edition, released in 2015.

Apart from "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work," John Gottman has written several other influential books, mainly focused on relationships and marriage. Some of his notable works include:

1. "Why Marriages Succeed or Fail: And How You Can Make Yours Last" - This book, published in 1994, explores the common patterns and behaviors that contribute to the success or failure of marriages.

2. "The Relationship Cure: A 5 Step Guide to Strengthening Your Marriage, Family, and Friendships" - Released in 2001, this book provides practical strategies to improve relationships and build stronger connections.

3. "The Science of Trust: Emotional Attunement for Couples" - Published in 2011, this book delves into the concept of trust in relationships, focusing on emotional attunement and its significance for building and maintaining trust between partners.

Among his books, "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work" is often considered the most popular and widely-read. It has received significant acclaim for its research-backed insights and practical advice for fostering a healthy and fulfilling marital relationship.

Chapter 5 The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work Meaning & Theme

The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work Meaning

The book "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work" by John M. Gottman is a guidebook that offers practical strategies and advice for building and maintaining a happy and successful marriage. The principles outlined in the book are based on Dr. Gottman's extensive research with thousands of couples and are meant to provide couples with the tools they need to have long-lasting and fulfilling relationships.

Here is the meaning behind each of the seven principles:

1. Enhancing Love Maps: This principle emphasizes the importance of knowing your partner's inner world and staying updated on their dreams, fears, and aspirations. It encourages couples to continually deepen their understanding and knowledge of one another.

2. Nurture Fondness and Admiration: This principle focuses on fostering positive feelings in the relationship by consistently appreciating and expressing affection for each other. It encourages couples to actively notice and acknowledge each other's strengths and value.

3. Turning Towards Each Other: This principle highlights the significance of emotional responsiveness and connection in a relationship. It emphasizes the importance of being responsive to your partner's bids for attention, support, and affection.

4. Accepting Influence: This principle emphasizes the need for mutual respect and compromise. It encourages couples to value each other's opinions and perspectives and to make joint decisions in the relationship.

5. Solving Solvable Problems: This principle provides strategies for effectively resolving conflicts and disagreements in a healthy and constructive way. It encourages couples to communicate assertively, actively listen, and find middle ground when trying to solve relationship problems.

6. Overcoming Gridlock: This principle focuses on addressing long-standing, deep-rooted issues or differences that lead to ongoing conflict and resentment. It provides strategies to explore and understand the underlying emotions and beliefs that drive the gridlock, and find ways to compromise or accept each other's differences.

7. Creating Shared Meaning: This principle highlights the importance of creating and sharing a sense of purpose and meaning in the relationship. It encourages couples to build rituals, traditions, and goals together, which strengthen their emotional connection and sense of shared purpose.

Overall, the meaning behind these principles is to provide couples with a roadmap for building a strong foundation, fostering emotional connection, resolving conflicts, and creating a fulfilling and meaningful marriage. By applying these principles, couples can cultivate a relationship that is characterized by love, trust, and mutual respect.

The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work Theme

The theme of "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work" by John M. Gottman is that successful marriages are based on specific principles and practices that can be learned and implemented by couples.

Chapter 6 Other Accessible Resources

1. **Book**: "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work" by John M. Gottman and Nan Silver is the original source that lays out the principles for a successful marriage. You can find it in bookstores, libraries, and online platforms like Amazon.

2. **Podcast**: The Gottman Institute, founded by John Gottman, offers a podcast called "Small Things Often," where they discuss practical relationship advice based on their research, including the seven principles from the book.

3. **YouTube Channel**: The Gottman Institute has an official YouTube channel featuring videos that cover various aspects of relationships, including segments discussing the principles outlined in the book.

4. **Online Articles**: Many online articles provide summaries, discussions, and reviews of "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work." Websites like Psychology Today, The New York Times, and HuffPost have published articles about the book and its concepts.

5. **TED Talks**: John Gottman has given several TED Talks discussing his research findings and the principles outlined in his book. You can find these talks on the TED website or on YouTube.

6. **Social Media**: The Gottman Institute maintains an active presence on social media platforms like Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter, where they share content related to healthy relationships, often referencing the book's principles.


Chapter 7 Quotes of The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work

The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work quotes as follows:

1. "Happy marriages are based on a deep friendship. By this I mean a mutual respect for and enjoyment of each other’s company."

2. "The Seven Principles that make marriage work include practicing rituals of connection, cultivating a positive perspective, learning to manage conflict, honoring each other's dreams, creating shared meaning, expressing appreciation and fondness, and nurturing fondness and admiration."

3. "The existence of a solid foundation of friendship and fondness is key to the success of a marriage. This includes genuinely liking each other, nurturing positive feelings, and regularly expressing affection and admiration."

4. "Couples who maintain a strong emotional connection and prioritize their relationship are more likely to have a happy and fulfilling marriage."

5. "Successful couples are able to navigate and manage conflict effectively. This involves listening attentively, showing empathy and understanding, and finding compromises that work for both partners."

6. "Dreams within a marriage are critically important. Supporting each other's individual aspirations and creating shared goals and dreams can help deepen the bond between partners."

7. "Strong marriages are built on a solid foundation of shared meaning and values. Couples who create a sense of purpose and meaning together have a higher chance of long-term happiness."

8. "Expressing regular appreciation and fondness towards your partner is vital for a strong marriage. Actively showing gratitude and affection can strengthen the emotional connection between partners."

9. "Nurturing fondness and admiration in a marriage means continuously looking for the positive qualities in your partner, expressing compliments, and recognizing their efforts and accomplishments."

10. "Marriage is a lifelong journey that requires ongoing effort and investment. By practicing the Seven Principles, couples can create a strong and resilient foundation for their relationship."

Chapter 8 Similar Books Like The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work

Book Recommendation: Exploring Emotional Intelligence and Relationships

1. "Emotional Blackmail: When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation, and Guilt to Manipulate You" by Susan Forward

In "Emotional Blackmail," Susan Forward sheds light on the destructive power of emotional manipulation and provides practical strategies for identifying and dealing with emotional blackmailers. This book is an excellent choice for readers who want to deepen their understanding of toxic relationship patterns and learn how to reclaim their emotional well-being.

2. "Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ" by Daniel Goleman

Daniel Goleman's groundbreaking book, "Emotional Intelligence," offers a compelling exploration of the power of emotional intelligence in our personal and professional lives. By understanding and cultivating emotional intelligence, Goleman argues that we can improve our relationships, make better decisions, and lead more fulfilling lives. This book is essential for anyone interested in developing their emotional intelligence and enhancing their interpersonal skills.

3. "Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find - and Keep - Love" by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller

"Attached" dives into the fascinating field of adult attachment theory, exploring how our childhood attachment styles impact our adult romantic relationships. Levine and Heller provide practical insights into understanding attachment styles, finding compatible partners, and maintaining healthy connections. This book is a must-read for individuals seeking to create more fulfilling and secure relationships.

4. "The Dance of Connection: How to Talk to Someone When You're Mad, Hurt, Scared, Frustrated, Insulted, Betrayed, or Desperate" by Harriet Lerner

In "The Dance of Connection," Harriet Lerner offers effective strategies for navigating difficult conversations and resolving conflicts constructively. Through real-life examples, Lerner demonstrates how to engage with others in a way that establishes trust and promotes authentic connections. This book is invaluable for anyone looking to improve their communication skills and build stronger relationships.

5. "Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love" by Dr. Sue Johnson

Dr. Sue Johnson presents a transformative approach to repairing and enhancing relationships in "Hold Me Tight." Based on Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), this book offers seven essential conversations that guide couples in deepening their emotional bond and creating a secure, loving connection. "Hold Me Tight" is an insightful resource for those seeking to strengthen their marriage or partnership.

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